Considering a return...

It's been slightly more than a year since Wally passed.

I don't think of him everyday anymore.

Most days pass without event.

But I finally understand why people say pictures are worth a thousand words.

A picture carved into a heart is even harder to forget.

But these days I spend my time missing people more.

People whom I love as dearly.

Whose pictures like Wally's are etched onto my heart.

What can't love do?

I'll never know how much it cost...

To see my sins upon that cross...

I can't say I fully understand how much it cost,

But at least I've known a fraction of that love.

What privilege!

In beloved memory of 

WALLY

born

23rd August 2008

went to be with the Lord on 

8th November 2008

he will always be remembered

as the FURBALL who

loved, cared, always eager to please

for the joy he brought to our lives

though short

he fought hard for life 

and serves as a remembrance for us all

to fight for our lives

every moment that we have

Mummy and Daddy loves you always, Wally!

Watch what you pray for...

i was just reading my blog through...

i noticed under my wishlist a line i wrote about a year ago...

"I wish i had a gay friend like mark in ugly betty"...

boy... do i have to watch what i pray for...

but i thank God because He answers prayers that don't even come in the form of prayers...

beyond my wildest dreams... 

I love my God. for He is great and worthy  to be praised. =)

this post has no title because i don't know what to name it. 

i find myself in a daze with every spare moment i have

mourning for people who don't care 

feeling sad for those who don't bother

drowning in sorrows for those who don't understand

all around me, the beautiful plans are falling apart

the blueprint disappears line by line

and soon it'll only be a piece of parchment

we say love is all around me

i can even feel it in my toes

reality is i can't make this more about me than it is about them

if i could sing, i would teach the world to sing

if i could dance, i would teach the world to dance

but i can only be who i am, 

but i would be glad to teach them what i know

who am i? that the Lord of all the earth

would call me by my name

who am i? that the Lord of all the earth

would care to know about me

who are you? that i 

would want to know you by name

who are you? that i 

should love you as He loved me

you are His... always, forever

you are loved... forever, no matter what

by Him therefore by me

Love is all around you...

Wondering? Wandering? (pun intended)

"Many will say to Me in that day, 'Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?' "And then I will declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!' 

(Matthew 7:22-23 NKJV)

Note: Words of Jesus in red

I AM at the moment a melancholic masochist pondering over the above verse

Pray for me. 

R-E-C-E-S-S

I've been taking a break from God for the last week. I've taken many breaks from God in my life, the longest one spanning a year. If you're wondering what I mean, it means that I leave all burden responsibility, ministry, care, concern and thoughts about God and His people at the door of my life and refuse to let anyone in despite the persistent knocking preferring each day to indulge in my own pleasures. Call it apathy, selfishness, cold-heartedness whatever you want to call it. I was taking a holiday in the famous river in Egypt and I was loving every bit of it. So much so that I didn't want to come out because it felt so good. Imagine, having nothing on your mind each day. Shutting out everything.

 

I saw my bible on my table one day, a pang of guilt shot through me. So instead of fulfilling my deeper desire to reach out for it, I picked it up and threw it into my drawer where I could not see it and once again fell into a deep recluse debating whether or not I was worthy of leading God's people. Fortunately for me, I have a brother-in-Christ who doesn’t have the patience for SMS's and decided to call me out for dinner and drinks to talk about none other than CF. More of God, RESPONSIBILITY. Argh, I thought. I obliged.

 

WHAT HAPPENED?

 

I just decided that I could not keep up being the perfect little holy miss which I'm not cut out to be and I could not live up to my predecessor's shoes or my leader's shoes (i.e the Reverend's and Holy See's) I'm not cut out for such a life. I can't do this. So I shan't even bother. Yawn…

 

It's summer, my wells have all dried up. They were pretty dry to begin with and I was living on the line with what little water I was getting earlier on. By the end of summer, I'm almost dying of thirst and I've reached the point where desert mirages have somehow become reality. To think that I could take a break from God. Haha Big joke. I'll laugh about it in time to come. I learnt awhile ago that if I didn't have wells around me, I would have to dig 'em myself. Seems pretty obvious huh? Didn't seem obvious to me though, not at that time.

 

I guess I have to start digging my well now and as a wise man once said, there's only one way. I gotta learn to get on my knees and pray. Earnestly. I think I'll do that tonight. >.<

Have you ever dreamt of being someone great?

Being in the Olympic fever and all, I've been watching quite a bit of the Olympics with Astro having 10 channels dedicated to the majestic festival. One of the advertisements got to me. It said something along the lines of "being able to stand in the midst of the multitude hearing your national anthem play, being an Olympian". Okay maybe not all of us dream of being a half-God Olympian as the Greeks would have it. We might at one point or another dreamt of being Billy Graham, one of the world's most renown preachers, being up there in front of the thousands of people preaching God's word, or maybe that charismatic politician whose contributions to the nation goes down in detail into the history books, or that famous singer/artist that everyone labels a "genius", the one of a kind someone that makes a great impact in our generation or a few generations.

 

I have. Dreamt of being someone great. Its disappointing to find that in reality I don’t match up anywhere near my dreams. That I'm not the superhero or superheroine that comes and saves everyone from the end of the world. I've suddenly become doubting Thomas and the promise of greatness as a daughter of God doesn’t really appeal much anymore because at the moment it seems more of a fairytale story you tell little Sunday school kids. Somehow the realism and pessimism of a doubtful world  I've come to know has like a thief in the night robbed my of my idealism and faith in an indescribable God. I wondered seriously how upon in my life I sang the lyrics "How great is our God" as a statement with an exclamation mark and not with a question mark at the end. It seems more acceptable now with a question mark at the end.

Just how great is MY God? 

How great exactly is our God?